


The Winchester Interviews

by writtenhistory



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-21
Updated: 2011-10-21
Packaged: 2017-10-24 20:09:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/267379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtenhistory/pseuds/writtenhistory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>30 years after the Apocalypse, Daniel Wayne gets the opportunity to interview Sam and Dean Winchester.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It sort of goes AU from about half way through season five, so a different end to stopping the apocolypse.
> 
> Not exactly happy with Sam's voice in this.

“Welcome back. Two weeks ago I presented a series of reports and interviews about the Apocalypse, the books known as the Winchester Gospels, and people’s reactions to them. I have received many attacks from the Right Wing, mostly for my portrayal of the Winchesters, and the others that went into battle as people rather than divine warriors of God. I also received complaints about my lack of respect for Hunters. For the record, those men and women that are Hunters have my full respect and appreciation, what I have a problem with are people who after reading the Gospels decide they, too, are hunters. I stated at the time, and still believe, that with no training and only the limited knowledge found in the books, these individuals are more dangerous than any demon, spirit or other supernatural creature out there.

Three days after the final report aired, I received a call offering me an interview with those survivors of the battle against Lucifer, including the Winchester Brothers. I admit at the time I thought it was a hoax and said as much. However, I was convinced to take a risk, and agreed to meet the caller in a local park, with a basic crew. We were met by a young man, who after getting promises that the location would remain a secret, agreed to take us to the home of the Winchesters. What will follow tonight, and over the next two nights, are the events and interviews that took place. It was quite an experience.

Be warned that the language and content of these interviews might offend some.

 **Black Screen**

*Images appear on screen, obviously filmed by someone walking and holding a camera*

Daniel Wayne walks with a tall black man out of the park towards the car park. The man seems relaxed, almost amused. He looks over at his shoulder towards the camera. “It might be a bit of a tight fit, but we all thought it was a fitting start.”

“Huh, what would be?” Daniel asks with confusion. The man turns his head back and nods to the parking lot.

*The Camera pans in the direction of the man’s nod, until it stops coming into focus on a sleek black Impala.*

“Is that?”

“1967 Impala, the poor girl’s getting a little old now, doesn’t get out as much as she used to, but she’s still probably the best kept car in America.” There’s an obvious tone of love in the man’s voice, almost as if he’s talking of a friend than a car.

“So this is Dean’s car?”

“Car, true love, the jury’s still out. Hell, getting the keys off Dad was a battle, I think I ended up promising my first born, it’s hard to tell.”

“Dad?”

The man’s faint smile changes his face, it’s an enigmatic smile, one that is hard to read. “Yes, my Dad is Dean Winchester.”

 **Black Screen**

*The Camera shows the interior of the Impala, shot from the back seat, Wayne and the driver’s heads, the open road before them as the day light starts to fade.*

 **Voice Over**   
_It was the first of many shocks on this journey. Tyson, the man that met us, explained he, and his sister were found in the burnt out ruins of a church by Dean Winchester. Although there had been many searches for their family over the years, no one was ever found, and over time Dean raised the two children as his own._

“He’s the only Dad I’ve ever known.” Tyson pulled the car off onto a dirt road then continued with a chuckle. “Well, sorta.”

“Iron.” Tyson nods to the large gates, and then leans out the window to press an intercom.

“Hold your horses” A female voice sounds.

“Sarah, is that you?”

“Yeah dude, back from school.”

“I thought there was another week.”

“My exams finished early –“

“Sarah,” a gruff voice interrupts from the background. “You both can blog later, let them in.”

“Yes Sir.” With a grating whirl of motors the gates swing open, and Tyson drives through.

When they pull up in front of the house, Tyson turns in his seat. “You’ll have to turn off the camera for a few minutes.”

 **Black Screen**

 **Voice Over**   
_When we got out of the car, there were two people standing on the porch, a young man in his 20’s and a black woman who I assumed was Tyson’s sister, they were both armed with shotguns. My crew and I were given flasks of water, I assume holy water, to drink from, and our thumbs were pricked with a silver needle. It was explained this was the procedure all new arrivals to the compound went through, and although everyone was polite and friendly, there was an underlying feeling that if we refused or failed in some way the results would be dangerous._

*The Camera shows a living room. It looks comfortable, although the furniture seems old and worn. There’s a table with a bunch of old books scattered on it and a fire going in a fireplace to the side. The Camera pans out to show the people in the room. A woman, probably in her 50’s, is sitting on the sofa beside a younger woman, the family resemblance, the same blonde hair, slender frame is obvious. There is another young man, sandy blonde hair, lanky frame, sitting in a chair, the laptop he’s reading from perched on the arm rest. On the chair beside him, is a black woman peering over his shoulder, there is obvious signs of bruising on her face.*

“Hello,” the older woman smiles, offering her hand to Daniel, who shakes it politely. “I’m Melanie Winchester, Sam’s wife. We decided if we were going to do this, show the world the real Winchesters you should meet us all. Of course, it seems Dean and Sam are running late.”

“Dad’s probably checking on his baby.” The black woman snorts. “The Impala, hi, I’m Chloe, Tyson’s sister.”

“And these are my children, Sarah and Jack.”

Both Sarah and Jack offer polite smiles in greeting, but before Daniel can reply the door opens. There is no mistaking the man, even though it’s been over 25 years since there was a current image of him. Sam Winchester kisses the top of his wife’s head in passing before going to Daniel and shaking his hand.

“Thank you for agreeing to this.”

“It should be me thanking you all, Mr Winchester, I know how much you and your brother don’t like the publicity.”

“Call me Sam, there are far too many Mr Winchester’s around here, it gets confusing. And yes, you are right, we aren’t fans of the spotlight, but there have been a lot of interpretations of our lives recently, and I thought it was time we told our own truth.”

“Are you saying the Winchester Gospels got it wrong?”

“Chuck wrote what happened at the time, I’m more talking about how people chose to interpret that. A friend once told me that our Bible got a lot of things wrong, and I believe that is what happens when people rewrite sections over time with their own philosophies and viewpoint. Time is moving on Mr Wayne, soon there will be no one left that was there at the time.

“Please call me Daniel. So you are telling me I’ll get the true story?”

Sam smiles. “The good, the bad, and the downright idiotic.”

“Most of the idiotic stuff is Sam’s story.” A voice speaks from the door. Dean is older, greyer than the pictures of him, but even in his 60’s there is a strength and power to his presence.

“Jerk” Sam glares at his brother.

“Bitch” comes the instant reply.

“For the record, I’m not as sure as my brother here, that this is a good idea. But I agreed, and just so you know I’m not going to be some girly saint and act like it was all heroic and pretty.”

“I understand Mr Winchester, and I am actually grateful to be allowed to hear the gritty truth. I’m sure you both did a lot of research on who to ask here, and therefore know I’m not someone to sugar coat things.”

Dean smiles briefly at that, then lightly clips Chloe’s head. “Move, let your old man sit down.”

Chloe grumbles “Do you want your slippers and a rug too?” But she slips from the chair, sitting on the floor with her back resting against it.

“Is this everyone?” Daniel asks.

“Mostly,” Sam replies. “Bobby’s... resting, although if he asks I said doing manly things. You’ll probably meet him at breakfast and Cas...”

Sam looks over his brother, who just shrugs. “Is probably off doing whatever Angels do when they aren’t here being all frowny.”

“Did you two fight again?” Melanie asks, sounding more amused than worried.

“What? No, of course not.” Dean splutters.

 **Voice Over**   
_At the time I thought there was something about the conversation that I didn’t understand. But if the Gospels were correct, these were the men that fought to stop the apocalypse, were manipulated in bringing Lucifer from his prison, and then defied the Hosts of Heaven, Satan himself, and in doing so saved the world. I admit to feeling a little daunted, and the idea of meeting the Angel Castiel was completely nerve wracking._

 **Black Screen**  
*The Camera shows the kitchen of the Winchester home. It’s a large room, obviously doubling as a dining room. There’s a long, slightly battered table. There is a splattering of books and computers at one end, and at the other, there’s a collection of breakfast condiments. Sam sits with Daniel Wayne, slicing a banana into a bowl of oatmeal.*

“I’m trying to make up for all those years of reheated gas station breakfast burritos” He laughs. “And of course, having a doctor for a wife means I don’t get away with bacon and sausage for breakfast.”

“Melanie is a doctor?”

“Yes,” Sam takes a spoon of oatmeal. “We met her just before Detroit. The hospital she worked at had a ghost problem. After it was dealt with she offered us her help.”

“She went hunting with you?”

“No, but, well, doctors are required to report bullet and knife wounds to the police. Dean and I got good at dealing with those ourselves so to avoid that attention. She offered, well, if we were in her location to patch us up professionally without making it official. Which is of course illegal, so we were cautious about accepting, but when Dean brought home the kids, well, we decided their welfare was worth the risks, to her and us.”

“Tyson and Chloe? They were hurt?”

“Hmm, yes. Mostly cuts and bruises and a bad case of malnutrition. We probably would have dealt with it ourselves, but Tyson, one of his cuts was really deep and had gotten infected, by the time we realised how bad, he had developed a fever. So we ended up on Mel’s doorstep at 3am. I’m still surprised she let us in.”

“Why? I mean, she knew you and had offered.”

“You’re what? 30, 35?” Daniel nods. “So you were only about 5 when Detroit happened, you won’t remember it, and to be honest, the few reports of what happened don’t even come close. Until then the apocalypse had been pretty low key, at least as the general public were concerned. A few really bad natural disasters, some weird occurrences people explained away. Those of us living it, well it was a different story, but it still pretty much remained off radar. Until Detroit.”

“For the Angels and Demons, the belief was it would be where Michael and Lucifer took their vessels and started the real apocalypse, for us, well it was our last ditch attempt to stop the whole damn thing. Either way it was going to be one hell of a fight, the beginning of the end. And it was, fuck it really was. Dean and I went into it pretty damn sure we weren’t going to come out of it alive. Hell I’m still not sure how we managed to survive. But we did, we walked out of that chaos and destruction.”

“At the time we were two of only a handful of people that knew what had gone down, what had happened that week. Of course now, the plan, the actual battle is written in Chuck’s book for anyone to read. Read it, read it as, well, as gospel. Read it as facts on a page, not metaphor or symbolism and you’ll get a pretty good understanding of what went on those days. I’ve read stories of people breaking out in song and dance when it was over, how the sun shone and flowers bloomed when Satan was killed. It’s, well, to be blunt, it’s bullshit. It was fear and distrust, people locked themselves away in their homes and were more likely to shoot their neighbours than welcome them in for celebration. It’s understandable, and probably the safest option. So for Mel, so close to the battle to let us in, well, yes it was a surprise.”

“I was surprised to discover Tyson and Chloe consider Dean their father. Wouldn’t it have been safer, even then, to have them adopted by another family?”

“Probably, and I think that was the plan when we originally found them. You know, get them somewhere safe and move on. It was how things usually worked. But well, my brother has a habit of surprising me.” Sam gave a small laugh. “Case in point...”

Daniel turns his head to find Castiel sitting beside him, where only a moment ago there was an empty chair.

“Cas, this is Daniel Wayne, and his crew.”

“Good morning.” Cas says as he reaches for the coffee pot.

“He was just asking why Dean kept Tyson and Chloe.”

Cas looks up from where he is adding seemingly endless spoons of sugar to his coffee. “Because he loves them.” Cas matter-of-factly states, as if it should be obvious.

“I know,” Sam smiles at Daniel. “I wouldn’t believe it myself, if I hadn’t of seen it for myself. Dean wouldn’t leave Tyson’s side, as the kid fought against the infection, little Chloe curled up in his lap. My big tough hunter brother; it was kinda sweet.”

Cas gives a small huff of amusement, but whatever else he might have been about to say dies on his lips when Dean comes into the kitchen. Sam, when he sees his brother, starts to laugh. Somehow the laughter makes him look younger, less weighed down by life and experience.

“What shit have you been telling this man, Sammy?” Dean waves a sausage at his brother, before adding it to the other three on his plate.

“Nothing,” Sam replies with so much innocence it almost sounds truthful. “We were talking about finding Tyson and Chloe.”

For a moment, the hard glint in Dean’s eyes soften, the look almost tender, but as his gaze drops to his plate, discovering only two sausages on his breakfast plate, the look is replaced with a scowl. “Hey, no angel powering away my sausages dude, that’s so uncool.”

“There are still two sausages on your plate Dean.” Cas replies calmly.

Dean’s scowl turns into a glare, directed completely at the Angel. It continues for a while, glare met with calm resolution, until Dean huffs and mashes ketchup into his eggs.

 **Black Screen**  
*The Camera shows Dean and Sam sitting on the porch, mid-afternoon. Both men are stretched out, relaxing with a beer. Further down the porch, Cas is sitting at a table with Bobby, studying some old tome.*

“Do angels age?” Daniel asks.

“Technically, no. Cas would look the same forever, even with his slightly diminished powers, but we all got sick of his pretty face, so we nagged him into growing old like the rest of us. I still think he’s cheating though.”

“You’re just jealous his hair isn’t all grey.” Sam laughs.

“Dude,” Dean’s hand brushes through his hair. “Low blow.”

“I understand his powers were diminished when he was cut off from heaven, when he, umm, rebelled against the other angels. But now the war has been won, is he still cut off?”

“Well, technically he still disobeyed, still broke the rules.” Dean shrugs. “It’s angel shit man, who the fuck knows. After it was all over, we thought he’d be called back to Heaven permanently. His own little fluffy cloud, but he was allowed to remain here. He says it was his reward, although I’m not so sure.”

“You think it is a punishment for him to remain?”

“Sometimes yeah. I mean, I know why he stayed, and to be honest, with everything that happened, all that he had done over the years, I doubt he’d fit back in with his angel family. But humanity, we are a screwed up race. I’ve seen some fucked up stuff over my years of being a hunter, no doubt, but still, some of the worse, the stuff that horrified me the most, well that shit was done by humans. We stopped the apocalypse, sure, but it didn’t create paradise on earth or any such shit. We still start wars, we still kill each other, we still fuck over the planet and ourselves any chance we get.”

“That seems a pretty jaded view of humanity Dean.” Dean raises his beer bottle in a salute of agreement, so Daniel asks. “So why, if that’s your view, why did you fight so hard against the apocalypse, at getting a clean slate?”

“Besides the fact that Demons are evil bastards and Angels are complete asses?” Dean asks with an amused smirk, before turning serious. “I don’t know, it seemed the right thing to do. Yes we are all fucked up, even the best of us. Sam, well he’s the one that always told me that people were worth it. To me, no arrogant ass, even, well hell, especially an Angelic arrogant ass was going to decide the fate of all mankind. We have the right to our own lives, to make our own decisions, good and bad. It pissed me off to be pawns in some fucked up family squabble over who was Daddy’s favourite.”

“Granddad!” A young voice calls out, interrupting them. In the driveway in front of the house, there’s a young boy, about four or five, dragging a large sword behind him.

“Excuse me.” Dean says with a smile, setting aside his bottle and moving off to the boy.

“That’s Ali, Albert, Tyson’s son. All he wants to be is a Hunter like his Granddad.” Sam explains. “I’m not sure what Dean feels about it to be honest. As you probably know, from the books, I was always the one that didn’t want to be a Hunter. But I am not sure Dean wants that life for Ali, with all our lives brought us. It might be different now, I suppose, just the regular hunting demons and the supernatural, rather than end of the world battles.”

Sam turns to look at Dean, who is crouched down in front of the young child, helping him hold the sword up. After a moment he speaks again, without taking his eyes off the couple, and there’s a deep sadness to him. “Our lives cost us more than people could even understand, even after all these years we have wounds that won’t heal, how can you hope for that for your family?”

*The Camera moves to Dean and Albert, holding them in frame as Dean crouches behind the young boy, his hands clasped around the little ones holding the sword, moving them both through arcs and cutting positions.*

 **Voice Over**   
_I’m beginning to see the costs Sam Winchester talked about. The Winchesters we know of from the Gospels are brave and talented heroes, fighting evil and winning against all odds. But after almost a day with them I catch glimpses of something else, men rather than heroes. Men who lost almost everything in this fight, men that carry so much weight and pain. Being around them, and their families, I start to rethink the stories I know so well. It was real men that lived through the horrors of those books, not just some character that could shake off the horrors at the end of each chapter. And unlike characters, bullets have left real scars on their bodies, and Hell, Demon Blood, and deaths of loved ones have left real scars on their souls._

*The Camera continues to focus on Dean. The young boy laughs as he lets go off the sword, running with the excitement only a young child can have towards the house. Castiel walks down off the porch and over to Dean who is now standing leaning against the sword. Castiel’s lips move with quiet words. Dean’s head comes up and looks at the Angel and after a moment he nods, a small but real smile playing on his lips.*

“Dean sort of implied Castiel asked to stay on Earth, to stay here as his reward after the War.”

Sam nods.

“Can I ask, why?”

Sam turns away from watching the two men in the yard, to look at Daniel. “Because we’re his family.”

 **Black Screen**  
*The Camera shows the kitchen again, this time the table is set up for a family dinner. Everyone is present, Sam and his family, Dean and his, including Tyson’s wife, and Bobby Singer and Castiel. Everyone is talking quietly as they pass dishes to each other.*

“It’s sort of become a family tradition, whenever we are all together, we have family dinners.” Sam explains.

Dean snorts. “Somewhere, Dad is sitting on his fluffy cloud laughing his ass off.”

“Dean,” Cas intones. “Heaven does not reside on top of the clouds. Clouds are transitory and dissipate, it would be an inappropriate place for the afterlife.”

Dean stops as he reaches for the potatoes, turning to look at Cas. “Figure of speech, you know, after 30 years slumming it you should have picked up on some things.”

“I simply did not wish Ali to gather false information.”

Dean takes a moment to ruffle the boy’s hair. “Come on, I know he’s perfect and all, but he’s not the anti-christ, he’s not going to suddenly poof cloud heaven into existence.”

“No, first green beans that taste like candy.” Ali giggles.

“See, now that’s magic I can get behind.” Dean screws up his nose as Cas passes him the bowl with the beans.

“Grandpa makes Granddad eat his greens, just like Mommy make me.” Ali says to Daniel.

*The Camera suddenly moves, focusing in tightly on Dean and Castiel sitting next to each other at the table.*

“Umm Grandpa?” Daniel sounds shocked, his hand still stretched out towards the plate Melanie is offering him.

“Cas is Grandpa, he loves Granddad, like Mommy loves Daddy.” Ali explains as Sam laughs in the background.

“See, I keep telling you you’re the chick in this relationship.” Dean smirks.

“Gender stereotypes in homosexual relationships are erroneous, and many find them insulting, plus, I do not believe it is wise, considering the company to associate femininity with the inferior position.

“Damn straight” Chloe and Sarah add in unison.

“I didn’t imply... stop trying to get me into trouble dude.”

“Umm, excuse me?” Daniel almost stammers. “Is this, I mean, does this mean that... Dean and Cas are, like, together”

“Dean and I have sex, yes.”

“Cas!” Dean exclaims.

“We love each other, this is not something to be ashamed of.” Cas sounds confused, and perhaps a little hurt.

“Of course not,” Dean takes Cas’ hand, given it a gentle squeeze. “Just, you don’t have to tell the world about our sex lives.”

“If I had said we were in love, you would have accused me of being ‘girlie’”

Dean looks at Cas for a moment, then groans. “Goddamnit, someone pass me the gravy.”

“And it’s not like I told them about the time that you – “

“Cas, man, no!” Sam interrupts. “Not when we’re eating.”

Dean smirks down the table to Sam, then turns to Daniel. “I gather you didn’t realise?”

“No, and I’m sorry, about the lack of professionalism.”

“Do you have a problem with my Dads’ relationship?” Tyson asks, with a hardness in his voice that wasn’t there a moment ago. Indeed the whole table now seems focused intently on Daniel and his crew.

“No, although I can not speak for others that might see this. Personally, I’m just surprised, considering what I know of Dean’s history, and well, I didn’t know that Angels had sex.”

“It is not unheard of, although it is exceptionally rare.” Cas explains. “For an Angel to partake in sex, they need to be able to feel love, and most Angels are unable to truly experience emotions of such sort. I believe my experiences in retrieving Dean’s soul from Hell opened me to emotions, which lead me to rebel against Zachariah and the other Angels.”

“And Dean’s just a big man whore who would sleep with anyone.” Sam adds.

“Can I ask how long, when did it start?”

“The, umm, sex, shortly after Zach’s ghost of Christmas future routine. I mean, seeing Lucifer wearing Sammy to the prom was terrible, and it really was.” Dean glances for a moment down the table to Sam. “But after I got over that horror, I found myself thinking about Cas, the future one, and how sad it was, how lost and lonely he seemed. I mean, I actually thought those words, hell if Sam said something like that I would have tormented him for days. So I either had to accept that Cas was more than just a friend, or, well, I was possessed by a teenage girl.”

“I’m still going with the teenage girl theory.” Sam comments.

Dean flips off Sam.

“So there were, indications, before then?” Daniel asks.

“Yeah, if I wasn’t, well, a dickhead, and brought up with all that conditioned homophobia crap. I suppose, well fuck it, if I hadn’t been so worried about Sammy, and pissed at anything Angel related, I probably would have gotten hard when he slammed me against the wall.”

“Eww, Dad gross.” Chloe mutters with a smile.

“And if I had been honest with myself,” Dean winks at Chloe. “When we thought Raphael had killed Cas at Chucks, my reaction to that went way beyond friendship. But in my defence, being in love with a male angel is not exactly the norm, even for us.”

“It’s still not very normal.” Chloe says, drawing both her father’s attention. “Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t have wanted for better Dads. But you two, you’re both just damn odd.”

Tyson laughs in agreement. “Our dads were very focused on letting us see all types of life, hunting and the normal stuff.” He explains to Daniel. “We learnt never to talk about hunting or Papa being an Angel to people when we went to school. We got to make friends and stuff, but their parents didn’t strip clean handguns at the dinner table.”

“It wasn’t just that though.” Chloe continues. “When I was young, my friends thought it was odd to have two dads, when I got older they would just think how cute they were.”

“Well, yes, because I am cute.” Dean states, then jumps. “Did you just kick me?”

Castiel just gives Dean a blank look.

“Anyway, as I was saying.” Chloe sighs, shooting her Dad a look. “They used to ask me all about them, if they cuddled, if they told bedtime stories, if they argued over money. And, well, the idea of Papa Cas cuddling anyone, it melts my brain. Dad’s lap might have always been available, and shit, we both knew they loved and would protect us, but I still can’t picture them cuddling each other.”

“I don’t want to picture it.” Sam comments again, and again gets the finger from Dean.

“We got bedtime stories,” Tyson picks up the discussion. “But Papa’s were, shall I say, unusual. I still remember the story about a hungover Noah, having to shove cow manure out of the ark every morning. And Dad would try to read us fairy tales, and then get distracted half way through, and explain how Cinderella should have known her step-mother was really a demon, and exorcised her.”

“I think we both knew,” Chloe continues. “That our dads were different from everyone else. Papa would always growl at Dad for doing things like taking on three witches by himself, and Dad would often be heard calling Papa’s family a bunch of asshats. So we knew our family was odd, different from our friends, even though they loved each other, and they touched a lot.” She rolls her eyes at that point, causing Dean to slightly duck his head.

Dinner continues for a while before Daniel turns to Sam and asks “Did you always know?”

“About my brother’s secret gay interspecies love affair? Hell no, although now I wonder if I was completely clueless. Hindsight and all. I didn’t work it out, hell I didn’t work it out at all, it was more like, seared into my brain forever. We were just outside of Detroit, the day before our final confrontation with Lucifer. Our last day on earth,” Sam pauses glancing at Dean, before continuing. “Again. It was late, at night, and Dean had gone to check on the sigils we’d placed on the abandoned house. I couldn’t sleep so I went out to help them.”

“I saw Dean and Cas, standing next to each other, leaning on the Impala. I was too far away to hear, but I could see Dean talking. And I don’t know, maybe it was something in their body language, or maybe some paranoia left over from my time with Ruby, but I wanted to know what was going on, without them knowing I was there. It’s not something I’m proud of, but hell, even after a year away from Ruby, and all that, I still struggled with that stuff.”

“So I got closer and heard Cas say something like ‘We might survive’ and Dean laughed and told him he was ruining his last night on earth speech. I remember wondering why he was doing the last night on earth speech when there weren’t any girls around, and then I heard Cas say ‘never needed an excuse before’ and before I could even think about that, they were kissing. Then the only thought in my head was what the fuck, although considering how quickly they jumped apart I might have said that out loud. Cas muttered something about having to check the parameter and vanished on the spot, leaving Dean to fill me in.”

“Fucking Coward.” Dean scowls at Cas, who just returns a sweet smile.

“See,” Chloe waves her hand at her fathers. “That’s what I’m talking about, other parents say sweet things and call each other handsome before staring lovingly at each other, with my Dads its insults that make the gooey eyes.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Following Day.**  
Thank you all for tuning in. Tonight is the footage from my second day with the Winchesters. I knew the information from the first episode last night would cause a lot of controversy. These are the lives of the Winchesters, what they allowed me to film, to show to the world was always their decision. While I refuse to sugar coat my reporting, to make it something bland and palpable, I simply wanted to report the truth behind the Gospel, and I was allowed to see that truth and present it to you all.

I was surprised how openly Dean and Sam shared themselves, their lives and family with me. They asked me only to represent them honestly. They didn’t want to be spun as heroes or saints. When I told them the outside world might not be as receptive to them as men, with their failings, scars and rough edges, well Dean’s response is slightly too colourful for me to quote, so to paraphrase, we never asked for our asses to be kissed, or shrines to be built in our name, so if they don’t like it, I don’t give a damn.

 **Black Screen**  
*The Camera shows again the Winchester kitchen. Dean is splitting coffee into the kitchen sink. The only other person in the room is Castiel, who is filling a couple of new mugs.*

“Jesus Cas, I think I just rotted all my teeth.” Dean growls, spitting again before reaching for the offered cup.

Cas just gives a slight smirk as he starts reloading his coffee with sugar.

“Do all Angels have a sweet tooth, I remember reading that Gabriel did?” Daniel asks, pouring his own coffee.

“No, although, possibly. Angels do not need to consume food for sustenance, but Dean demanding I learn the joy of bacon cheese burgers while travelling with him.”

“Don’t forget pie.”

“And pie.” Cas nods.

“I assume you’re here to ask us about our relationship.” Dean laughs at Daniel’s uncomfortable look.

“I don’t want to, umm, intrude, but this will be seen as quite a bombshell.”

Cas raises his eyebrow just slightly before taking a seat beside Dean.

“I’m sure it will be.” Dean smirks. “Deviant homosexual behaviour from an Angel of the Lord and all.”

“I do not understand how expressions of love can be labelled deviant.”

“So you are saying the Bible is wrong in its condemnation of homosexuality?” Daniel asks.

“The Gospels of the Bible are not as written. It has only been 30 years since Chuck wrote his books, and already there have been attempts to change and edit his words.”

“So you think they are wrong?” Daniel asks again, this time getting only a calm look from Cas.

Dean laughs. “Welcome to the game we call, trying to get a straight answer from an Angel.”

“Your relationship wasn’t always this close though?” Daniel changes the topic.

“It was.” Cas states with such certainty. He turns to look at Dean as he continues. “I do not know if my Father had a hand in choosing me. But as I stood and watched Dean break, and the first seal fall, as I fought alongside my brothers through the waves of demons sent to stop us, I knew it would be me who would grip his soul and raise him from Perdition.”

Dean slides his hand into Cas’, their fingers linking smoothly. “I wrapped his soul within my wings while I rebuilt his physical body atom by atom. Every fibre of his being has been touched by my essence, we were bound together from that moment.”

“So the stories of you both butting heads, and being openly hostile at times? Didn’t Castiel threaten to send you back to Hell a number of times?”

“All true,” Dean laughs. “But as our daughter pointed out last night, we have never had the type of relationship people would consider sweet or romantic. We argued a lot in that first year, hell we still argue a lot.”

“Do you ever regret it? I mean, I know you love him, but he was the one that forced you to rebel against God?”

Dean tenses as the atmosphere in the room changes. When Castiel speaks, his voice is deeper, the tone losing all emotion. “I am an Angel of the Lord, no one can force us to do anything we do not wish. I rebelled against the commands of Angels, who were not following the word of our Father.”

Dean squeezes Cas’ hand, drawing the Angel’s gaze to him. For a long moment the two men just stared at each other, something unreadable passing over their faces.

 **Voice Over**   
_It had been easy to see Castiel as another member of the Winchester family, and forget his true nature. There is a hint of it in the footage of that exchange, but unless you are there, sitting across from an Angel, it is impossible to fully understand the fear and awe that he inspired. Castiel fought on the side of mankind, he became the lover to Dean Winchester, be he is, and always will be a fearsome angel of the Lord._

 **Black Screen**  
*The Camera shows Dean and Sam sitting at the kitchen table. Their movements, hands and fingers, working almost instinctively, as they strip down weapons to their basic components, cleaning and oiling each part. There is a stack of weapons at one side, and a smaller pile at the other side.*

“It’s silly really, we are both too old to be hunting now, but the routines of it all, you never lose them.” Dean explains.

“Do you miss it?”

“I do.” Sam laughs. “Or maybe I just miss being young enough to do it.”

“Life was so much easier back then. No I mean it, sure we could have died on any of the hunts, we got hurt and possessed and attacked by psycho killer clowns, but it was so much more simpler. When Chuck’s books came out, everyone wanted to know us, wanted a piece of us. I couldn’t go to the store without someone asking if I was ‘that Dean Winchester’.”

“And there wasn’t as much to worry about, we had each other’s backs, worried for the other. But somehow that was easier. Now I have a wife and two kids, Dean’s kids and grandson to worry about. And its not just demons and ghosts we worry about, it’s also if some kid gets drunk at a party and plows into them on the road, some snot nosed little kid breaking my daughter’s heart, or one of them reading some tabloid piece of crap calling for me, their Dad, to be burnt at the stake. Hunting was so much easier than that.”

“How do you deal with the fame?”

“When I realised it didn’t come with penthouse models partying on Lear jets, I basically chose to ignore it.” Dean shrugs. “To be honest, I don’t give a damn what people write about me, at least not for a while. When I first read the Supernatural books, I wanted to rip Chuck a new one. The idea of our lives out there for public enjoyment, it kinda sucked. But there were people, two guys actually, that showed me another way to look at it. When the Gospels became widely known, it was different. I’d lived through the apocalypse, I had my family, and well, it had gotten to the point when I was starting to listen to Cas and my kids hints that I was getting too old to hunt safely anyway.”

“Hints?” Sam raises an eyebrow.

“Ok, Ty hinted, Chloe employed that big eyed puppy dog look, and Cas started to threaten me with the sofa.”

“Sleeping on it, or throwing it at you?” Daniel jokes.

The two men turn to look at the reporter, then after a long couple of seconds start to laugh.

“Ok, I’m starting to like you.” Dean snorts. “Look people can say whatever the fuck they want to about me, hell I am even pretty okay with the things they say about Sammy, and Bobby and Cas. But when they come after my kids, or Sammy’s kids, when they make them feel uncomfortable, and ashamed, that’s when I have a big fucking problem.”

“We’ve always tried our best to limit that stuff reaching our kids. But from the age they could understand, we’ve spoken to them about our lives, what we did hunting, how the seals were broken. We wanted them to know the true story. But I know Jack had a major problem when the kids at his school told him about how Sam Winchester had to be all evil if Satan wanted him.”

“How did you handle that stuff?”

“Well first I told him that no matter what Uncle Dean said, it was not appropriate to punch someone in the head simply if they were being an asshat.”

Dean snickers.

“All our kids can fight, we wanted them to know how to defend themselves, and others. Even if they decided they wanted a life sitting behind a desk, we were just too aware of the dangers in the world. But we did teach them never to start the fight, never to be the one that threw the first punch. And we explained to them, that other people’s ignorance and the meanness that can bring, is never a reason to attack someone.”

“There are some people, mostly on the fringery reaches, that believe you must be somehow evil to be Lucifer’s vessel. Do you have a response to that?”

“I have a response.” Dean states coldly as he snaps the shotgun barrel back in place.

“Dean” Sam shakes his head. “Azazel did things to prepare me for Lucifer, Ruby and Lilith continued that. But the preparation had nothing to do with me being a vessel. It was all to do with their plan to release Lucifer from his cage. What people forget, or just don’t understand, is that Lucifer is an Angel, an archangel just like Michael and the others. And as we have already established, Angels tend to be a bunch of rat-assed bastards. Now Lucifer might be bat shit crazy on top of everything else, but he’s still an Angel.”

“Sammy being a vessel is no different than the rest of us lucky saps, no different from me or Jimmy, or any of the others. He just got the honour of being the meatsuit for the most famous, crazy bastard of them all.”

“You both seem anti-Angel.”

“Well, yeah, because most of them are dicks.” Dean snorts.

“And yet, you see Castiel as... family?”

“Well, I said most. Hell, even the good guys had large moments of dickness. Cas, Anna, Gabriel, hell, especially Gabriel. The thing is they aren’t human, we can’t always judge their actions by human standards. Anna’s attempt to kill our parents, ok, dickass move of all times, so not excusing that. But on some level her reasoning made sense, hell, if we had returned a few months earlier, we would have convinced them never to stay together, to never have us.”

“But you don’t trust them?”

“Hell no.” Dean and Sam say in unison, before Dean continues. “People have developed some really weird, and completely wrong, ideas of angels. Don’t even get me started on the idea that Angels are the souls of our dearly departed. But this concept of Angels being these fluffy winged protectors that guard and guide us in life, its just not the way it goes. They were god’s warriors, cold-hearted and efficient. At best they were detached observers of mankind.”

“But Castiel is different?”

“Cas proved himself to us on so many occasions. He decided to stand with us, stood with us against his own people. He’s always had our backs, from the moment he took Dean away from Zachariah. His relationship with Dean aside, he considers us friends, maybe even family, and he’s saved our asses more than once.”

“Dude, do you have the hots for my boyfriend?”

“You’re just lucky I’m not into The Penis, or you wouldn’t stand a chance.”

 **Black Screen**  
*The camera shows the living room. Sam and Dean’s children sit around the room, along with Sam’s wife and Dean’s grandson.*

“We decided, that if you want to know about the true Winchesters, then you really should talk with their families.” Tyson says with a grin. “After all, we have the best stories.”

“I suppose, what most people will be interested in, is what they are really like, what it was like growing up with the Winchesters as fathers.”

“It sucked bringing boys home.” Chloe laughs. “I mean, you know what Dad was like before Papa. A woman in every town, sometimes more than one. So any boy I dated, was, in his eyes, just like him, a complete dog. It took every trick I had, tantrums, sulking, threats, to make sure he wasn’t holding a shot gun when a boy came to pick me up. And Papa, hell he was even worse, he’d get that ‘I will smite you’ look. People might not truly understand the threat, but they for sure knew to be afraid.”

“Can I ask, it’s a strange question, but how did it become Dad and Papa?”

“It was Dean’s idea.” Melanie says. “Well, his idea of being funny and witty at least. You know Mama Cass, the singer, well...”

Daniel snorts making the connection.

“We’ve really never been normal, Chloe and me.” Tyson pulls his young son into his lap, an arm protectively wrapped around his waist. “Our mother was possessed by a demon, we saw her ripped our father apart, literally. It took a long time to get over that, if you ever get over that. Dean and Cas, they took care of us, but it wasn’t never normal. We learnt about salt lines, we can both recite exorcism rituals by heart. We learnt to shoot and fight, what type of weapons work on what type of monsters. When I first told my wife about all that she was horrified. She thought, after what I had witnessed as a child, I should have been kept away from it all. But she was wrong. We had fathers that loved us, that made us eat our vegetables and would watch spongebob with us, we felt special and safe with them, but they also told us the truth, that monsters were real and when they weren’t around to protect us, showed us how to protect ourselves.”

“Did your Dad have the same approach?” Daniel asks Jack and Sarah.

“Yeah, although it was different. For one we had a mom and dad, not a gay hunter and an angel for parents.” Jack laughs. “I know my Dad hated the whole hunting thing as a kid, but again it was a different situation. Granddad John, he was on the road and Dad and Dean, they didn’t have a stable home to feel safe in. With us all, we all had homes, Mom was always there for us when Dad was off hunting. But he also wanted us to know how to protect ourselves. The apocalypse might be over, but the demons, ghosts and whatever else, it still remained. But the thing, the most important thing I believe, is that we were given options. We didn’t have to grow up to be hunters, it was an option, but not the only path. Chloe and I, we decided we wanted to, Ty and Sarah, well they are both nerds.”

Jack receives a resounding whack with a pillow from his sister in retaliation.

“When I started dating Sam, I knew virtually nothing about this world of theirs, and to be honest, when I did learn, it scared the crap out of me. I wasn’t sure I wanted anything to do with it or Sam.”

“What changed your mind?”

“There was this family, friends of friends, I didn’t really know them. But some creature had their children trapped inside their home. Sam and Dean rescued them, the whole house was on fire, and Sam comes tearing out the door, holding to two little kids, returning them safely to their parents. And I thought, as bad and scary as it all seemed, these two men put their lives on the line every damn time, for no reason but to protect us all. How could you not fall in love with them for that. And of course, Sam is damn hot naked.”

“Mom!” Sarah groans.

“That’s the thing about our dads, all of them.” Chloe’s voice is soft, quiet. “People out there, they have these images of them, saint or sinner, good or bad. It’s this grand picture of epic battles between good and evil. And yeah, the whole Lucifer rising, end of the world apocalypse, that’s what people know, that’s what people focus on. But for them, its never been about that. It’s smaller, more personal. It’s about killing the bad things before they kill the innocent. It’s about love and family. And its about a hell of a lot of pain. That’s what gets lost when you make heroes out of men.”

 **Black Screen**


	3. Chapter 3

Following Day  
On my final day with the Winchesters, the three of them, Dean, Sam and Castiel, all agreed to in-depth sit down interviews with me. They said no topic would be out of bounds, but again reminded me that I may not like some of their answers. I admit the idea of a probing interview with the Angel was daunting, and Dean must have read that on my face for he offered to be present during that interview, saying that even after 30 years, Castiel still hadn’t quite grasped the concept of conversation. I was grateful for the offer, and he gave a promise not to censor or guide any of Castiel’s answers.

 **Black Screen**  
*The camera focuses on Castiel, sitting slightly rigidly in a batter leather armchair. Dean can be seen sitting off to the side, looking slightly amused.*

“Thank you for agreeing to talk with me Castiel” Cas nods. “So, umm, earlier, you said you didn’t have any regrets about rebelling against Heaven’s orders and siding with the Winchesters.”

“That is correct.”

“Do you still believe it was the right choice to make?”

“Yes”

“Your rebellion against Heaven, cut you off from Heaven, and brought punishments?”

“Yes”

“But you still believe it was the right thing to do?”

“Yes”

Dean snickers and leans across to Castiel, speaking softly. “Cas, man, we talked about this, he needs more than one word answers.”

Cas turns his head to look at Dean. “I see.” He says, before turning back to Daniel, waiting expectantly. Dean can be heard snickering again.

“Was it hard for you to rebel against Heaven?”

“Yes.” Dean’s hand reaches out and smacks Castiel’s shoulder. His head turns slightly towards Dean, and there’s a faint smile on his lips. “The Angels, they are my brothers, they were my ... family. Obedience is at the core of all Angels. It is something we take very seriously, so to disobey, it is a big deal.”

“Can I ask then, why you did it?”

“I believed it was the right thing to do. I still do. I came to believe Zachariah was not following the word of God. I disobeyed Zachariah and the Heavenly Host, but I did not believe, I still do not believe that I rebelled against our Father.”

“I noticed you call the Angels your brothers.”

“Yes, all of the Angels are my brothers.”

“But there are female Angels, Anna for instance.”

“No. Angels have no gender, like our Father, they are neither male or female. We use the terms Brother and Father, because, it is convenient.”

“So you appear male now because?”

“Because the vessel was a man, it could have just as easily been a female vessel.”

“Damn you could have tapped some hot chick Cas, it would have been so much easier.” Dean mutters.

Castiel turns to Dean, the line of his mouth softening. “Are you saying you do not find this form attractive Dean?”

Dean stares at him for a moment. “Fuck man, if you don’t stop pouting at me right now, what will happen is only seen on pay-per-view television.”

“So,” Daniel gives an amused cough. “So you believed you were disobeying the Host, but not God. If God had come to you and said it was his plan, would you still have sided with the Winchesters?”

“It is difficult to know for certain, since the plan had never been God’s design. Although, if I had heard that it was from God, himself, before I met either of the Winchesters, I doubt rebellion would have ever occurred to me. The seeds of doubt would not have been planted, and I would never have considered challenging the decisions. If, if when I had found God, he had told me the plan was true. I do not know, I would like to believe I would have still stood beside Dean and Sam, had the strength to question the value of the path to the Apocalypse. But you have to know, to question God, to disobey our Father, it is not something that can be easily done.”

“You have to understand, Lucifer is a powerful Angel. Not because of the things he did when Michael sent him down, not because of his actions in the Pit. It was there long before he became your Devil. Lucifer’s power did not come because he rebelled against God, the power was what allowed him to rebel, was strong enough for him to question the word of our Father.”

“You make it sound like Lucifer did the right thing?”

“Do I?” A look of confusion passes over Castiel’s face. “It was not my intention. But perhaps it is because, as a human, you value independence and free will. But as an Angel, these are not traits that are sought after, given value. Lucifer was wrong to challenge God, because his word is truth. My brothers may fight amongst themselves, and believe me they do, and often, but to question God, to disobey, is the greatest crime an Angel can ever commit.”

“It is well known, that during the year before the final battle, you spent a lot of time searching for God, did you find him?”

“I no longer doubt my Father lives.”

“So you did find him?”

Castiel stares, with a blank look, into the camera.

“There are some that have written that it must have been God’s intervention that stopped the Apocalypse.”

“This is not true. The battle against Lucifer and the other Angels succeeded because of the plan and courage of Dean and Sam Winchester. It was they who stopped the Apocalypse.”

“You are an Angel, and although it was your choice to remain on Earth after the final battle, has it been difficult for you.”

“Yes. Humanity, even now, often leaves me feeling confused and bewildered. You are all so capable of achieving great things, of such beauty, but so often you turn away from that. You are all such wondrous creations and yet more often than not, you work to diminish yourselves.”

Castiel stops for a moment, looking over to Dean. “I had no understanding of what it meant to live, to love before I met Dean. He had to teach me. From him I learnt loyalty and passion. I have witnessed him fight for his brother when everything spoke of the necessity to give up. I have seen what he has risked for his family, seen him pay the price for that loyalty, but it never falters, it is never diminished, even when he is separated from them. And passion, I have seen him take such pleasure from the smallest things. I know he has been labelled a hedonist, the word said with such scorn. But I do not see the sin in finding pleasure in beauty, in taste and touch. I did not know how to do that myself, to have passion for life, but he has shown me that over the years.”

“And from our children, I learnt about true love and joy. I gave my love to Dean a long time ago, but it was a choice I made, to love this man. But Tyson and Chloe, for them there was no choice, no decision they made. Their love was simply there, openly available without the requirement of reciprocity. I did not have to be someone, do something for their love, and the freeness of that gift made me desire to only prove myself worthy of it. And joy, I did not know how to laugh until I met my children, they taught me the joy of fun, for laughter and silliness for its own sake. You can not know the value of that, unless you have never once experienced it, however you also do not know its value until you get to first experience it.”

“You’re an Angel, so you don’t grow old and die like us?”

“This is true, Angels are eternal.”

“So what will happen, when Dean dies for the final time?”

“I had originally thought I would return to Heaven and be with my brothers.”

“But you no longer think that?” Daniel asks, after Castiel seems to pause for a long time.

“No. For one, I do not believe, with every way I have changed, I would fit within the Host anymore. But, but it is more than that. There was a reason my Father created my brothers and I without the emotions of mankind. How could I stand as a detached observer over those I love so dearly and not intervene, not try to change their paths? How could I see their pain and joy and not want to be a part of it?”

“So you would remain on Earth?”

“Again, I do not believe that is the correct decision. Dean, and my love for him, is my reason for being here now. Living without him would be emptiness and sorrow, and I do not wish for that. I love my children, but they can not be that for me. The child should never be the anchor for their parent, they should, they need to have the freedom from them, to live and find their own lives. One day they too will grow old and perish, as will their children, and their children’s children.”

“So do you have a plan?”

“I will live my life, love my family. When Dean leaves me, and I have had the time to grieve his parting, feel the pain and sadness of it and find my love for him still endures, I will go to my Father. I will tell him I can not, and do not wish to continue living without Dean at my side, and I will ask him to end my existence.”

“Umm, what happens to Angels when they die?”

Castiel’s gaze grows distant for a moment, and then he can be seen swallowing hard.

“I do not know.”

 

 **Black Screen**  
*The Camera shows Sam, leaning against the hood of the Impala. His long legs are crossed at the ankles and there’s a bottle of beer in his hand.*

“Thank you for this.” Daniel begins.

“No problem, although I hope it isn’t as traumatic as your interview with Cas.”

“Sorry?”

“After your interview with Cas two hours ago, he and Dean went to their room, closed and locked the door. No one has seen them since.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean to, well, offend or upset them.” Daniel sounds uncertain and awkward.

“Nah man, don’t worry about it. It happens to us all, even now. The pain, the memories get too much, and well, I come here to Dean’s, Cas, he vanishes for days on end, and Dean rebuilds old clapped out cars. Or we all sit around and get drunk, or get lost in sex. It’s our life.”

“Is it still that hard, even after 30 years.”

“Hell yes,” Sam takes a moment to drink some of the beer. “The first 5 years after that final battle, it was like, constant, you know, memories, pain, loss. There were times when I didn’t think we’d hold it together. It got easier, that’s life, but it never really goes away. You can’t see what we’ve seen, do what we’ve done and get a blank slate. It doesn’t all just get washed away, like at the end of a chapter. But you have to learn to cope, or you’ll end up drooling on yourself in some locked down mental hospital, you know”

“When the Gospels came out, the general reaction to you was one of sympathy, compassion and understanding.”

“I know, that still shocks the hell out of me.”

“Why?”

“When we heard someone had found Chuck’s manuscripts and published them, I wanted to read them. Dean thought I was being idiotic, after all, like he said, it wasn’t like we hadn’t lived through the whole fucking mess at the time. But I suppose, I wanted to know what they said. I mean, I knew Chuck, I knew he didn’t make shit up. I don’t know, maybe it was morbid curiosity, or perhaps vanity. I just wanted to know what they said.”

“And what did you think?”

“They, the original published Gospels, they are completely accurate. Sure, I have heard of other versions of them turning up, people’s commentaries and interpretations. But those first published books, they are what happened. And the thing is, the Sam in those Gospels, the me then, well he, I was a little more than a complete selfish brat.”

Daniel lets out a surprised bark of laughter. “Ok, but surely that was about Ruby?”

“Nope, I mean, if you’ve read those Supernatural books, and I am sure you have, everyone interested in the Gospels wants to know what happened before them, then you’ll see I was already in selfish brat mode long before Ruby turned up. I resented my Dad for doing the best he could, judged him for his failings. I hated him for his obsessive need for revenge against Azazel for killing his wife, our mother, and yet thought my own obsession was completely righteous. I took Dean for granted while accusing him of being a mindless weapon. Even when he sold his soul for my life, I never thanked him, I acted like his impending death, his soul being condemned to Hell was all about me and my pain. I find it hard to understand how people can feel sympathetic towards me, considering all that.”

“Are you perhaps a little hard on yourself?”

Sam smiles against the lip of his beer bottle. “Perhaps, and maybe that’s all part of the narcissism. Your worth and importance is greater than everyone else’s, and so are your faults and pain.”

“So you don’t think the events leading to Lucifer rising was because of Ruby and the demon blood?”

“Not completely, anyway. Ruby didn’t create the insecurities in me, she didn’t give me my superiority complexes, or my desire for revenge and power. She saw those weaknesses in me and used them against me. Her manipulations fed them, made them grow. I’m a drug addict. And I don’t believe there is an addict out there that didn’t have emptiness, or pain, or some fucked up mess they were using their drugs to fill, to hide from. I’m no different. That stuff was already there. Ruby, she worked on making that stuff stronger, harder to deny, and the other stuff, the good stuff that had always countered the fucked-upness, that balanced it so I wasn’t just a complete asshole, she clipped away at that, demolished it until all I had was her and the demon blood.”

“In the Gospels there are two incidents, one with Chuck, the other with, Pamela, when they tried to warn you, to get you to stop. Did you consider their warnings?”

“With Chuck, not really. It was still so early in the downward spiral. Ruby was still making herself available whenever I wanted to get a fix. I was still completely confident that I was in control of it, that I was strong enough not to be damaged by what I was doing.”

“But the incident with Pamela was before you even met Chuck?”

“I know, but it was different. Chuck, he was a prophet yeah, but we also saw him as a civilian. He was a civilian then. Until Dean brought him into that motel room with Lilith, his only real contact with the supernatural were his dreams, and even then they were just stories he thought he was dreaming up. Pamela, she had been in touch with that world as long, if not longer than I had. Her words, and you have to remember they were her dying words, were to tell me I was wrong, that I was heading down a dangerous road that I may never return from. They held weight, even though I was unable to acknowledge that to myself.”

“So as a drug addict, do you think your rock bottom was killing Lilith?”

“No, it might surprise people, but I do not blame myself anymore for killing Lilith. Lilith was a demon, a powerful and dangerous demon, killing her is what we do. I would have killed her without Ruby’s manipulation and the demon blood. There was no way of knowing that killing her, killing her at that location was the final seal. Dean only knew because it was explained to him. No, my rock bottom was before that, it just took me a while to realise it.”

“And that was?”

Sam looks at his bottle for a moment, then when he raises his eyes, the pain is obvious in them. “The moment I chose Ruby instead of Dean, when I chose a demon over my own brother. Loyalty is everything, family is everything. We will fight to protect each other, we will sacrifice our own lives to save theirs, that love, that is the purest thing in the world, and I threw it away for a creature I knew was evil. I destroyed my brother because a demon would tell me what I wanted to hear, and held the key to my drug supply. That was my rock bottom, that was the thing I can never truly forgive myself for.”

There is silence for awhile, silence filled with the sound of birds, and voices in the distance.

“With how you felt about hunting growing up, did it surprise you when your son decided to become a Hunter?”

“Surprise me? No. He let us know he was interested really early on, although it could have been something he outgrew. But by the time he was a teenager he was taking it pretty seriously. You know, all the learning to fight and shoot, it can all seem pretty cool, especially for a young boy. But he also seemed happy to do all the research, he was methodical about keeping a journal. Mel and I, we made sure both our kids knew they could follow their own paths, no matter what that turned out to be. We didn’t try to turn them away from hunting, as much as we encouraged any interest they showed.”

“But I also think it was really important that they realised the truth about hunting. They are younger than Dean’s kids, so by the time they could really understand what was going on, I had virtually retired from hunting. We didn’t want them thinking it was all some sort of adventure. When those movies came out, the ones based, very loosely, on the supernatural books, well, hunting became a big adventure for everyone, an exciting adrenalin rush. We wanted our kids to know there was a downside to it, that being thrown across rooms and stabbed and beaten actually hurts, you know, there aren’t stunt doubles to step in and take the falls for you.”

“Do you think people have the wrong idea about hunting?”

“Hell yeah. The original books, and god those damn movies haven’t helped. But I am sure cops and military personnel feel the same way about how they are presented in entertainment. And I get that it is just that, entertainment, but so many people can’t tell fact from fiction. They don’t get how painful injuries can be, they think its five minutes of research, and then an exciting battle and its all over. In the movies the heroes never die, they get shot and beaten, drive cars off buildings, and the next moment they are fighting better than the villains. But the reality is so different, it’s scary, terrifying. The monsters aren’t people in make-up, they have scared the crap out of me, and I still have nightmares about some.”

“I know for a while a lot of people were suddenly proclaiming themselves hunters. They went out with a couple of cans of salt, and symbols they had copied off the movies. After a lot of deaths, the movie company had to come out and officially state that the symbols in the movies were made up, designed for their artistic appeal rather than any actual mystical quality. After a while, I think the rush of wannabe hunters died down, either, well literally, or just as a result of people’s lack of attention span.”

“You sound pretty negative to new people becoming hunters.”

“Yeah, I suppose I am. Hunters, we’re usually a pretty prickly bunch. We don’t trust easily, or quickly. But when you prove yourself, when you’re accepted, there’s a bond there, one that means more than almost any other. We would have dropped anything for the Hunters we knew and trusted. Bobby of course, Rufus, Ellen and Jo,” Sam stops for a moment, staring down at his bottle. “There are others of course, people that worked with and helped out our Dad, and then us. But the thing about them all was they took it seriously, it wasn’t about attention or being able to tell great stories. When we worked together, we knew we could trust them. The wannabes, they just ended up getting people killed, making the job harder. If you want to be a hunter, accepted as a hunter, then do the research first, and I don’t mean reading the supernatural books.”

“Do you ever regret it, remaining as a Hunter instead of returning to Law School?”

“It’s hard to regret, because of what I have now. I have a beautiful, smart, sometimes annoying wife, two wonderful, sometimes annoying children, a pretty damn good relationship with my brother. I wouldn’t have had any of that. And I think, if I hadn’t have returned to hunting, if I had been on my own, and Lucifer had still risen, I’m not so sure I would have had the strength to say no to him. I don’t know, I’d like to think I would, but it took the strength of my brother, and the commitment of others for us both to say no, I think, if we hadn’t had that, hadn’t had those years hunting together, even if our relationship had been shaken, then the Angels would have gotten their grand fight.”

“You saved the world, but like your brother, you shy away from the spotlight, from the public recognition of that.”

“It was never about that though, the fame. Even at my worse, when I craved the power, it was always turned towards revenge. I didn’t hunt down demons for fame or money. Although there was a woman in Kansas that gave us the world’s best white chocolate and macadamia nut cookies as a thank you.” Sam smiles. “And we spent years, almost two decades, hiding from everyone, false names, never staying longer than three days in any motel. Face it, we just don’t really handle the spotlight.”

Sam stares at his feet for a moment. “And for me, I can’t speak about Dean, but me, personally, I’m not so sure I deserve the fame and adulation. I’m not talking about Ruby, and breaking the last seal, I mean all of it. To do what we did, we had to live outside of society, we broke laws, didn’t give a damn about breaking them most of the time. And we killed, sure if we could exorcise a demon without harming the host it was a good thing, but when it came down to it, destroying the demon came first, before the safety of the poor soul they were riding. I am not saying we are evil murderers but we have both killed people, innocent people whose only crime was to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. We, there was always a sadness to find the body dead afterwards, but it was never some crushing guilt. Heroes, they are people that risk their lives to save others, that have great compassion and conscientiousness, we, Dean and I, were ruthless hunters, that’s all.

 

 **Black Screen**  
*The Camera sweeps down the porch of the Winchester house to spot on Dean. He’s leaning back against the railing, he looks tired and slightly uncomfortable.*

“Sam says my interview with Castiel was upsetting.”

Dean shrugs. “Not really, it’s just, well, something that happens sometimes.”

“Yeah, he said that too”

“Yeah, he would.” Dean snorts. “My brother likes the hand holding sharing your pain routine. He’s like Oprah, but without the tits or the bank balance.”

“And yet you agreed to these interviews.”

“I’m beginning to think I lost my mind, or someone laced my pie. I, look I have never really given a damn about what people think of me, call me a slut, write about my so called daddy issues, my damaged self worth, whatever. But like has been mentioned before, when what we did, the hunting, the apocalypse gets re-written into some romanticised jerk-off fantasy I get irritated by it. The dickheads that want to see hidden meaning and meaning of life shit in what happened, they need to know the stark reality, they might not hear it no matter what I say, but fuck it, I still need to say it.”

“There is one thing people are most interested in.”

“Yeah, Hell.” Dean almost smirks. “It doesn’t surprise me.”

Daniel waits, curious.

“People are always asking me what Hell was like, so desperate for the details. Cas, he has this thing about the beauty of humanity, but I just don’t get it. People, us humans, have been some of the worst monsters. The ghosts I’ve salted and burnt, all of them were either once evil bastards when they were alive, or were so tormented by evil bastards that once dead they were consumed by revenge. Demons, everyone talks about them as if they are so different, that the evil is something only they inhabit, but at least, with demons they are simply following their true nature. That’s not to say of course, I wouldn’t send their skanky souls back to hell any chance I get, I just don’t like the hypocrisy.”

“People want to know about Hell because it thrills them. They may pretend it’s about concern or compassion, but really they just want the details because of the vicarious thrill. They want to know of the torture and pain because the experience of it excites them.”

“So you won’t talk about it, about what happened to you there?”

“No I won’t.” Dean’s face hardens. “But not for the reason most people think. I don’t talk about Hell because I can’t. There are not words, people talk about words like torture and pain but those words don’t even come close, they can’t even begin to explain to people what it was like. I can’t talk to you about having the flesh stripped from your body, or your bones crushed to powder, because there’s just no way those words hold meaning for you. Try to describe to someone what the colour blue looks like to someone that’s never seen it, you just can’t.”

“You were tortured for 30 years?”

Dean nods.

“Then spent 10 years torturing others?”

Dean’s knuckles turn white as he squeezes the wooden rail he’s leaning again. “Yes.”

“You still feel guilty about that, about breaking after 30 years of torture?”

“Hell yeah, some things, I don’t believe you should be forgiven for some things.”

“Isn’t that an unreachable expectation?”

“I don’t know, my Dad lasted over a 100 years without breaking.” Dean gives a snort of derision. “Ok so maybe the daddy issue thing isn’t that far off the mark. It wasn’t that I broke, it was what the breaking did to me. Damn, you know there is a reason I don’t talk about this shit. The thing is, it’s not the pain, the physical pain that makes Hell hell. There’s just so much pain a human body can take before it simply shuts down, accepts it. But the torture done to one’s mind, it is ongoing and devastating. Hell’s torture continued when I was taken down off those hooks. Over the years I have come to see that, but it doesn’t take away the guilt, doesn’t give me forgiveness.”

“Because of the things you did in those last 10 years?”

Dean nods. “I tried to tell myself, at first, that it didn’t matter, that the souls I cut into, they had come to Hell for a reason, that they weren’t innocents. I rationalised it, the best I could. But the truth was, there was a part of me that enjoyed it. After all those years on the hook, and all the shit life had thrown at me. Alastair called me one of his best pupils, but it wasn’t about all the skill with the blade, it was about the satisfaction it gave me. So sometimes, when people call me a hero, I want to be sick.”

Dean turns and leans on the banner, staring at the dark woods surrounding the house.

After a moment Daniel asks, “Why did you tell me all that, it’s obviously not something you usually talk about?”

“Because you asked,” Dean turns again, allowing the camera to focus on his face again. There is a slightly amused tilt to his mouth. “People ask me about what Hell was like all the time, and I can’t tell them, don’t want to tell them even if I could. It brings this look of sympathy, pity to their face. And I don’t like it. Sam and Cas, they have both worked on getting me to put aside what happened, in their own ways. And you know, its been over 30 years, so I am not going around wanting to punish myself constantly anymore. I’m just not going to ever view it as anything but what it was, torture, Hell, a scar that will never heal.”

“There’s a lot of talk about family,” Daniel says after a moment. “That the Gospels teach us the importance of family.”

“Family is everything, dude.”

“Even with all the pains your relationship with Sam brought?”

“That pain went both ways, I can be an arrogant prick, even now. But that’s the point, we aren’t the Cosby Show man. People, everyone seems to think good and important means sweet and easy. It’s not real life, and if you think your life is all sweet and easy then you haven’t gotten anything real in it. Considering our childhood, its damn surprising our relationship was as good as it was.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know it’s more than a little ironic for me to bitch about how people react to Chuck’s books, at the same time saying I don’t give a damn about it all. But that said, the thing is, people put up Sam and my life as some sort of ideal, as a paradigm of family love. That’s just bullshit. I love my Dad, and he did the best he could to raise us while he got lost in grief and the need for revenge. We didn’t have any family, other than the three of us, we didn’t have friends, or security. I became the primary caregiver for Sam when I was little more than a kid myself. Children shouldn’t have that responsibility. It’s not good for them.”

“I taught my kids responsibility, but I also made it damn clear that they were kids. It wasn’t their job to deal with adult issues. They never saw Sam or I getting stitched up, or bones being reset. When they were old enough they knew we had dangerous jobs, but they shouldn’t have to personally deal with that danger. They needed to have fun, and play with friends and hell, I suppose, date. Sam and I went the ideal of family, we were two screwed up kids.”

“But you love each other, you’re very... connected.”

“Of course, and part of that is we didn’t get any other choice, we were all we had for the first 18 years of Sam’s life. I mean, we were still brothers, we still fought and pissed the fuck out of each other on a regular basis. But with Dad off hunting, he tried to be there for us, but most of the time it was just us two, and that creates a bond. Over the years so many tried to break that bond, Ruby got close, Zach sent himself crazy, well more crazy than his bat shit original crazy, trying. But the only one that ever drove us apart was Sam himself.”

“At the time I hated him for that, you know, for wanting something else, something better. It felt like a kick in the balls really. I took it personally, all I could see was rejection. I couldn’t understand why normal seemed so appealing to him. But I had a lot of growing up to do myself, had to separate myself from, well not exactly sure what from, my Dad maybe, but more than that, this notion that hunting was cool fun. Sam wanted to be normal, but normal scared me, because I really believed that without hunting I was nothing, was empty and useless. I hated him for leaving because it felt like he knew that all I was, was this empty hunter.”

“I know it sounds kinda pathetic. But the whole apocalypse thing, after Lucifer rose, it became like this spotlight on me, on all the things I had been running from. I’d spent so long trying to make Dad proud, keep Sammy alive, and then suddenly I was in hell, and then dragged out of it, and all I could feel was so damn empty. I’m not a big girlie girl like Sam, I wasn’t willing to sit around and whine and moan about how hard I had it. I really thought the best way was bury it down deep inside and just kill the evil fuckers until I died finally.. again. But that’s the thing about the end of the world, it makes hiding fucking impossible.”

“Do you still feel empty?”

“Sometimes... fuck most of the time, that emptiness doesn’t go away. I know it’s very self-centred and all emo-chick of me. Hell I’ve kicked Sam’s arse for saying this stuff himself. And I know, I have a man who loves me, and two fucking perfect kids, and a family and all that. But you know, this emptiness, it isn’t something that you can fill with others, or others can fill for you. It’s not like devastating anymore, I’m not out in the middle of the night screaming to the heavens. It’s just, it’s there. And sometimes that’s the better option, because when the emptiness steps back, there’s the other stuff, there’s the knowledge of the terrifying things I’ve seen, I’ve done, there’s the guilt and fuck it, the shame. And Christ, what is this, one of those, it’s not a real interview until someone gets all weepy, things.”

“Well since Barbara Walters retired, maybe I can take her place.”

Dean laughs. “You’re not scary enough dude.”

 **Black Screen**  
*The Camera shows Daniel Wayne back in the studio.*  
I was given a chance to spend almost three days with the Winchesters. I saw them as a family, laughing and playing with each other, I saw arguments flare up, and mild irritations. I watched as they shared meals and chores. I saw loyalty and love, I saw haunted eyes and scars. I saw people. I believe we all lose track of that, when we read the gospels, when we debate the hidden messages and metaphors we believe are in them. The Apocalypse was fought by every day people, by people that bleed and die, by people that came into it already so damaged.

I admit that I had my own assumptions about the Winchesters, and a lot of them were unflattering. I assumed they would be egotistical and have a superiority complex. I didn’t expect to like them, and I would not be so conceited to think I developed any sort of lasting friendship with them during my stay. And I would think anyone desiring friendship with them solely on the basis of their history as hunters would have the brothers laughing hysterically. But I did enjoy their company, their bluntness, their humour and the down-to-earth nature.

I came out of my weekend with the Winchesters with two overriding thoughts. Firstly, the Apocalypse, and the life that lead Dean and Sam to have to fight it, has burned deep wounds into both men. We, the public, the ones that should be grateful they succeeded, we don’t want to think about those scars. We hide the painful reality behind our principles. We judge the men as being superheroes, untouched by pain, death and horror. We don’t want to believe their fight left damages. Or, we create fantasies of God and religion, we create images of holy crusades and fairy tales. We look at their lives as if it was poetry, with analogy and metaphor, when in reality it was blood, guts and pain.

We sit in our comfortable homes and make judgements about the decisions and choices the brothers made, as if we could even begin to comprehend what it was like to live their lives. For us it was a story we have read, heard told. In stories the blood and bruises are applied in makeup trailers, and at the end of the day the dead take off their costumes and meet you for a beer after work. For the Winchesters, and those that fought alongside them, the pains of battle didn’t leave when someone put down the book, or calls ‘cut’. Pain, physical, or emotional, doesn’t ever just get washed away.

The second thing, and indeed the most powerful thing to me, was the idea of love and how it was about loyalty. We all talk so much about love, and how it is about sweetness, and finding the perfect person. But there is no one in this world that is perfect, and love isn’t some romantic notion. Love is about loyalty, love happens when you can stand next to someone even when they have faltered. The love the brothers have for each other isn’t reliant on perfection. They don’t pretend there isn’t pain and hurts within their relationship, don’t bury the anger or frustration. There have been fights, both verbal and physical, and yet neither one doubts the other is there for them, will fight for them and protect them.

Hurt one of that family and you hurt them all, attack one member and you’ll have to deal with them all. This is not to say they will ignore mistakes, bury disappointments, and that is what I saw, that love and loyalty does not mean sweetness and light. This family will forever protect and defend themselves, they will fight for each other and against any threat. It is that loyalty that enabled them to survive and in the end, I believe it was that loyalty to each other that saved us all. As Mario Puzo said “The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, is in its loyalty to each other.”

 **Black Screen**


End file.
